Well, another weird day in the Beige Garden. That is the new name for my apartment. The whole place is white, beige, tan, off white, eggshell, etc, etc. It is actually disgusting. I cant bring myself to put up my posters, or do any decorating, becuase I dont want to feel too comfortable here. I moved in to this apartment thinking of it as a half-way house, and I never wanted to call that home. I guess that makes it tough for me to feel comfortable here, or it just makes me tough. Either way, it is too late now and this pigs wallow will always be a beige part of the wild Cali dream. California has been ground zero for almost 4 years now. It is hard to believe that I have been here that long. It all goes by so fast. Not that the fast-forward hasnt been locked down for some time longer than 4 years. I was supposed to be moving on to something different by now. Four years was all the time I had allotted for this mess, and 22 was supposed to be the ripe old age of adulthood. Dreams and ambitions for nothing in particular, leaves you with nothing in particular. But I am moving on, and have moved on. Better for it too. Plans are really more of a guideline anyways. I think the change came when I stopped thinking "someday" and realized yesterday was the chance.
California is one of those special places that has so much to offer, but there is also so much to risk. I guess that there can be nothing gained if there is nothing put on the line. There was a thing that threw me off though. Mortal peril, reputation, or even glory wasn't the the cost to play. There are demands for a lot more to be put on the table to play. I wasn't ready for that, and didn't even know what the wager was until I lost a few hands. I came here as a simple unassuming small town kid and had a big city wake up the hard way. Now I have had my lesson I can start to appreciate this place for what it is. Without that lesson though it is like gambling with pesos, not realizing that those pesos are worth something. They will be removed from your possession with a smile. Survival in the 21th century has little to do with fighting off wild beasts, fighting plague or disease, keeping a roof over your head, or getting enough food. Survival is now fought on a mental battle ground. There are much graver consequences to losing than death.
Everyone is scrambling as fast as they can to just stay on top of one another, that they don't even worry about keeping their own heads above water. And worse yet, have lost sight of which bank to swim towards. No doubt we live in a time of severe tumult and upheaval. But we are not water creatures and will drown.What can be done? How do we make sure we live? Not such an clear question anymore. I think people are starting to get that. And it makes me really happy to see "Economic Stimulus Checks" are being used to pay the rent, and the producers can keep on weeping.
I see the defining moment of the human race not far off in the future. It is make or break, and unfortunately I see so many people that don't know that. Or if they do, they don't care.I guess I shouldn't really expect better from the masses. They are just lemurs (or lemmings, rather) and will follow the one in front of them off the cliff. But it is frustrating. It is hard enough to save yourself, much less save anyone else. Especially when they are not even trying to save themselves. I don't how we are going to get out of this. And I don't think anyone does. But it is just a wall, and the same rules apply no matter how big.
In all honesty though, I have very little care or hope for saving the Homo Sapiens Economicus from themselves. I am going to avoid any nibblings that the beasts want of me the best I can, and eventually they will just end up eating themselves. For my own fate, hmmm...... I dont know. Maybe Ill leave and let the rest squabble over what they want. I feel like it is a good time to become a hermit. I am much better suited for a life of contemplation in the wilderness than all of this madness.
Anyone that is tired of the hamster wheel is free to join me. I would enjoy the company.
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